New year disappointment

It has been forever since I wrote here :( I guess there is nothing much different in my life eversince. Except for lately...
It's all started Feb 14th, also Jan 1st of Lunar New Year...my cousin came here with his wife for what they called their honeymoon. What the heck, they should've told me that in advance so I can have a few days off để đi dắc họ đi chơi. He is one of my closest cousin that I have. We (him, my bro, and me) growed up together since we were babies. We had endless memories of each others, somes are good memories, somes are bad ^_^ but to me, all those memories are beautiful and priceless. Now I come to realize, we are not young anymore; we're all adult now. Soon we gonna have kids, grow old, have wrinkles, and become granpas; telling our grandkids about their ancestors in Vietnam...

...But right now, I'm so fucking diappointed because I don't have time to hang out with them; I just want to have 1 or 2 days off so I can take them out for fun, but I work every day until 9pm. I'm off on Saturday and Sunday but they will be leaving by then...and what the heck am I kidding! I don't even know many fun places to go around here. Like last night, all three of us met around 10pm; we didn't know where to go, so I suggested to go to the clubs cuz I wanna be cool, clubbing and stuffs, buth what the fuck am I kidding! I haven't been to the clubs for years, I know nothing about any clubs around here. They were all closed on Monday, and we learned it the hard way by wasting time driving around, end up going home with emptiness. I'm so disappointed in myself cuz I'm unable to make any special plan for my cousin's honeymoon in California :(

More than life

I feel weird lately; feel like I'm being left out of the fast lane of life; feel sick about people, feel disgusted; fee like the older people get, the dirtier they are. When people were a little kids, they will play with any toys they like, play with any kids there were surrounded, but the older they get, the more picky they are. They only play with certain that seem "cool" and to be cool, playing with drugs, sex, love, races, clubs, swing club, money, being fake, materialistic, social classes...I feel left out because I don't belong to any of them. I feel like I belong to an ideal humanity world which only exist in novels and movies; feel like I want to have a fantasy life by joining a motion picture, but there are too much to sacrifices and risks :(

Not the One

I haven't been on a date for years... (omg, I've been jacking off for too long lol)
Anyway, my recent hanging-out was considered and good date. I took her out to watch a scary movies becuz my instinct was telling me "Take her to a scary movies so you can lent her your shoulder to lean on" lol ...is that considered cheating? lol No I don't think so. I just wanted to create a chance for us to be close together, to be more physically attatched to each other and break away all the shyness.

Anyhow, it went pretty well. But then, it still doesn't feel right; it doesn't feel as happy as it supposed to be; it doesn't make me smile when I think about her; it doesn't feel like the weird feelings that I used to have...feel like it's NOT the One :(

Baby Daddy

Literally, everyone I know, are having babies. My oldest friend (29) is pregnant and having her third child, while she doesn't have a job and her husband is an alcoholic and an abuser...My friend from school is having her first child, while she is still struggling with school, and working part-time with minimum paid job...My friend/co-worker who I know for about a year, is excited that his gf didn't pass the pregnancy test and that he is going to be a daddy, while he is just working with a low-paying job like I do ...lol

I'm sad now cuz I want to be a daddy too...lol I just feel like being left behind in the process of "life". But at the same time I'm glad; thanks Gods I'm not a daddy yet. Omfg! what the hell are these people thinking? Why the hell are they having babies when they don't have a stable life? stable income? stable relationship? stable place to live? It's a new life, a new creation we are talking about, not just a product of two heterosexual people who kiss kiss bang bang carelessly without condoms. I guess people never think about the future, never care about what worst things can happen in the long run, never prepare for their offspring ...and they seem to have a happier life than me who keep planning too much for the future :(

24

Hai mươi bốn năm đã trôi qua, từ ngày tôi sinh ra và lớn lên trên miền đồng bằng sông Cửu Long. Hình ảnh quê hương cứ pop-up trong tâm trí tôi, cũng như những cơn chiêm bao cứ hiện về những hình ảnh của thời thơ ấu; căn nhà xưa, khu vườn cũ, sân chơi, mái trường, những đứa bạn thân... cứ vẫn xuất hiện trong chiêm bao như một tiềm thức không bao giờ quên được mặt giầu tôi không bao giờ vấn vương hay suy nghĩ về những kỷ niệm đó...not at all.

Chỉ có một câu truyện lúc còn bé tôi đã tường đọc, mà bây giờ tôi vẫn nhớ và luôn luôn nhớ mãi, even lúc không chiêm bao. Đó là mẫu truyện Nhị Thập Tứ Hiếu mà tui đã đọc a very long time ago, so long that I don't even remember how old I was when I read it. Hai mươi bốn câu truyện của 24 người con có hiếu...người thì nếm phân định bậnh cho cha, người thì khóc đến khi măng mọc cho mẹ, người thì lóc thịt nấu cháo, người thì...(lâu thấy mẹ rồi ai mà nhớ cho hết hehe)... anyway, tôi ngẫm nghĩ mà thấy stupid bởi gì đó chỉ là những mẫu truyện mà người đời đặc ra để răng dạy con nít. Chẳng có câu truyện nào là reality để mà có thể làm theo được. Nhưng tôi vẫn cứ nghĩ đi và nghĩ lại, trong 24 mẫu truyện đó, chỉ có một mẫu truyện rất là thực tế và có thể làm được. Đó là câu truyện của một ông lão 65 tuổi, đã 65 tuổi mà lão vẫn cứ đùa giỡn như là trẻ con trước mặt người mẹ già của lão, để làm bà ta cười bởi vì "một nụ cười bằng mười viên thuốc bổ". Vì thế nên bà ta sống rất lâu và khỏe mạnh. Cũng từ đó mà tôi vẫn luôn luôn có ý nghĩ là tôi sẽ trở thành một "Nhị Thập Ngũ Hiếu" ...( ngũ là 5, không phải ngũ là ngủ ngày đâu, mặt dzầu mình hay ngủ ngày thiệt haha)



Cho đến nay, tôi vẫn thường đùa giỡn như con nít để làm my parents laugh. Nhưng mà truyện ngụ ngôn cũng chỉ là ngụ ngôn mả thôi, không phải là hiện thực...trừ khi có kỳ tích xuất hiện. Nụ cười sẽ không làm mất đi căn bệnh suy tim mà ba tôi đang có, chỉ có một ngày một nặng thêm mà thôi. Có lẽ nếu tôi chú tâm hơn về sự nghiệp, và không mãi rong chơi như trẻ con, thì chắc bây giờ tôi đã dư khả năng để đưa ba tôi di giải phẩu sớm hơm. But no, still a bum ...at 24! :(

The "real" me

When I look at you, I can see thruough you;
when I listen you, I can understand you;
when I smell you, I can scent you;
when I touch you, I can feel you;
and when I lick you, I can taste you...put it all together, I can understand all about you, or at least 99% about you, but sometimes I feel like I know nothing about myself :(

Sometimes I wonder who am I? Am I a jerk or not a jerk? am I being nice and polited everyday is because it's who I am or just a fake front that I put on myself as a what has been defined as "good" by the society?... Do I really like working in the healthcare industry because I really care about people health, or just to make money and stable income? Have I ever really loved any one for unconditional reasons, or just because they brought benefits to my life? Have I ever have a real passion, or just something I would like to do because of a better outlook? Have I ever fall in love, or it was just a missed opportunity that I just want to go back in time a grasp it? Have I ever love a girl, or it's just a hormone thing which make me horny and craving for sex? I need to be drunk or something to see myself :(
When I thing about life, what is life, or what is the purpose of life and stuffs, I often get lost and fallen asleep. Think Minh, think!
(làm gì thì làm, đi ngủ rồi mai tính ^_^)

There's something about J-lo

So I watched an old comedy movies today called “There’s Something About Mary" (1998)

I'm not a big fan of Ben Stiller's movies, but this movies was kinda ironicly funny. The guy in the movies had a crush on a girl since high school prom. He never met her again for 13 years, but he still keep thinking of her every day. He hired a spy to stalk on her, then the spy started having obsession about her, then it turned out there are couple more guys having absession about her. They all have one thing in common; they are all stalkers lol.

It's funny because I'm a stalker too lol, a harmless one of course :)

Every since I had the obsession for Jen(J-lo) couple years ago (5 years to be exact), I keep thinking about her every minute, every second, every day. I don't know what I think, but I just think. Think about some happy memories, happy moments, think about her cute smile, shiny eyes, fuzzy hair, or even about acne on her face lol...then back reality, wonder what is she doing? How is her architect school? Whom is she with? Is she happy? How would it be now if I had make a move 5 years ago? Who will bring more happiness to her? me or him? ...somehow, I got a feeling that she is being with her current bf just to avoid other guys hitting on her because the guy is a pure Christian guy who commits never have sex until he married. I wonder if she really like him, or she just waiting for someone... someone who gave her some chocolate and Christmas card to make her happy :) someone whom starred at each other eyes until the door slowly shutted.

Movies is a big fat liar compare to reality. Every movies has a happy ending, no matter how long they wait for each others. But in reality, every day of missing someone is a cloudy day, full of sorrow and sadness. 1825days=43800hrs=2628000 minutes of day-dreaming lol. Maybe I just Email her (liftmy...@) and tell her hahaha...yeh no, getting email from someone who haven't talked to for 5 years in a little creepy, isn't it? lol