the END

So while I was stranded in my cold and silence room last night, my brain started spinning and spinning around like computer hard drive; keep thinking and thinking unconsciously. There were thoughts, and there were blank thoughts lol...they all come and go so randomly. Then, there were spiritual thoughts, some thoughts I've put in a movies called Outsourced that I watched a few days ago. It's a modern Indian romantic comedy...i'm not going to go detail into the movies, but there was a very short segment about Gods in India. They have a Gods in India called "Gods of destruction" where they basically believe that destruction of any matter on the universe is good thing; because if there is no ending, there wouldn't be a new beginning... which is perfectly make sense :)
I guess, the idea of "Gods of destruction" inspire me in some ways, not in a destructive way of course, but in a motivated way. A motivation to move on and leave everything ended bad behind because if there's no ending, there wouldn't be a new beginning. If there is no ending to a bad crush hihi there wouldn't be a new crush; if there is no ending to a job, there wouldn't be a new better job-- if it's not better, then end it and start a new beginning. Better or worse, change is always good, don't look back at a bad ending and regret, but rather look at it and smiling for a new future :)

Now, for people of the Middle E who always at wars creating chaos <--- that's stupid! :/

old dreams

Perception is something strange to me; maybe because I am still not mature enough, or maybe at different stage of age, my perception changes. Not too long ago, I had a goal--an unrealistic goal--I wanted to become famous, famous up to a point I can appear on televions e.g. FOX, ABC, CBS, ect...or any shows as long as it's on TV lol. I knew it would take years or even my whole life to get there, or I won't even make it there :/ but I wanted to take a chance; a chance to be on national televion to tell J that I luv her and always been luving her seen the time I met her...but like ppl usually say "Time is the best medicine for healing a broken heart" Haven't met her for 5 years, her image is blurry and almost disappear in my mind. I don't remember much about her pretty eyes, her pretty smile, and her pretty voice as I used to...những cảm giác đó dzường như đã phai nhòa đi theo thời gian, như những bước chân đi trên các đang bị nước biễn cuống đi...
Another dream that I had was to build a bridge for my people in Vietnam where I grew up. It's so sad to think about living condition in many poor developing countries; can't even affort a concrete bridge for people...nói tới đây, bỗng dưng tôi cảm thấy nhớ quê hương tha thiết :( ...(to be continued)

my sin

I really hate it when buddism call something is a sin but never really explain why it is considerred a sin. I guess it's up to ourself to figure it out, rather than depending on the bible as a dictionary of sinful stuffs. Through out my whole life I think I don't have many sins to worry about. Little that I know, I commited a sin since I was 15 :( ...SEX, it's all about sex. Since the dawn of time, to the modern time, many problems were originated from sex. Sex is everywhere, internet, magazine, movies, clubs bars, literature, history...and I was exposed to sexual contents on cables tv at the age of 15. Not only that, I ripped off some pages of Playboy megazine and stole it from my cousin OMG. I guess I was young and stupid (I'm still young and stupid lol) couldn't control myself. Plus, it was forbidden and I love the unforbidden the forbidden lol. I don't have enough evidences to relate watching porno to my shy behavior; but I can tell that they are close related as a cause and effect :(. I guess it makes me shy and flushed to be around girls because all the dirty things I seen, even when I was with the girl of my dream, who I really care and adored. But couldn't be with her, my world was falling apart; no more interested in school, no more future, no more luv, no more anything, nothing is matter without her...but now, when reality strike, I need to take care of my parents. I need to provide everything they need; I want to have them experience a luxurious life while it last; want to make them proud...but I'm still not be able to accomplish :(

These are sensitive thoughts that I've never told anyone. I wish there's someone who I can open up and tell everything without worrying about making myself look bad or imperfect; with no judgment; only with understanding, comforts, soft and gentle to hold on tight to feel each other's heart beats ~_~

(ok, it's time for my late night porno again) lol jk :D

Tinh Yeu --karaoke

minh không thích karaoke at home chút nào hết, không thể max out volume róng cho đã miệng được :( ...but it's ok, just some random moment anyway. This is just a trial recording to see how it is with recording voice and music separately; music is great, vocal sucks hahaha

Tình yêu là vết dao đâm vào tim
Tình yêu là những nhát roi bầm tím
Tình yêu là đoá hoa nhưng nhiều gai
Tình yêu là nỗi mê say trong đời .

Biết thế sao vẫn tìm đến
Đến với yêu thương trọn kiếp
Chẳng biết chẳng biết vì sao ???

Tình yêu là khât khao mong gần nhau
Tình yêu là nhớ thương quên ngày tháng
Tình yêu là chết cho người mình yêu
Tình yêu là sống cho nhau muôn đời ...

Multiple crush

Been working with her only couples of times (3 days to be exact) but I don't know why I feel really nervous every time I see her; my heart start pounding; my face turning red; my voice humbling; my fingers shaking; and most of all, my eyes start looking away from her ...ay ya yay...chicken like me will never get a girl :/ I'm not sure what I like about her; she's not hot or supermodle or anything, kinda chubby, big butt big thigh ^^ cute smile feminine voice sweet personality awww...the kind of genuinely sweet, not the kind of b!tchy pretending to be sweet; the kind of sweet that I want to hold tight on the beach and relax all night. The kind of sweet that made me hump my pillow the night after I met her ^^ but sadly I won't see her again anytime soon, maybe months, maybe years, or maybe never. Then, all those feelings gone away the next day when I met the C2 girl. OMG, I've been waiting for her every single month but I couldn't get a chance to talk to her this time :( I've noticed that things will never turn out the ways I expected, should've learned to expect the unexpected :/
I'm kinda glad that i'm still single; still be able to crush on many ppl as I want to without feeling guilty^^

Anyway, thank you for reading my blog. Here is a piano piece I've learned recently; a soundtrack from a French movies; it's not perfect yet but much better than last time I recorded :P ,the original is beautifully played http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z2ljWwIaHs

Comptine d'un autre été : L'après midi

I've learned this song from youtube ^^ ...can't play it perfectly yet but it's listenable

Purpose of lifeee?

"Life of a biologist is all about eat, sleep, and reproduce"--my biology teacher used to say haha

I have been ditching that question since...forever...because I don't really know the answer. I think that's a bad habbit of mine, keep avoiding the problem instead of solving the problem :s .Yet, I need a goal for my future, a purpose of living and a target to aim myself to the right direction. Right now, it's hard for me to decide cuz it's not just my life to put into consideration; there is my parents as well. If I decide to have a normal life, living with my parents to pay off my debt--the debt that I owe them since the day I was born--then it will be very boring. Eventhough they never ask anything from me, I feel terrible because I haven't done anything to make them proud. Too much conflicts going on in my mind right now. I want to live a peaceful time, but at the same time, I don't want to be a nobody. I want to go to a big city where I can find more opportunities to strike. I want to have a more exciting and fullfill environment of living. But thinking about my dad's health make me weak :(. He's on the downhill of health, probably 2 to 3 more years to live. They are all I have right now; without them i'll be very lonely...
Idk, i'm just going sleep now. Maybe my biology teacher was right; life is all about eat + sleep + reproduce hahaha so I guess the only thing missing in my life is "reproduce" ^^