waiting for...

my mom occasionally-constantly-randomly asking me "When are you going to be done with school?" and I answer "I am waiting" ...."waiting for what?" she said, and I just walk away in silence :(
I don't know. I don't know what the hell am I waiting for. Every since my dad had the heart failure thing, and the doctor told us that his heart failure will eventually getting worse in a few years, my career plan was temporary paused. I guess I'm waiting for his heart disease to go away--along with him. I guess I'm trying to make enough money to help my mom with all the bills and expenses, to put less pressure on her shoulder; to waiting for my brother graduating from nursing school so he can help us financially; and the most importance of all, I'm waiting for a meaning of my life--a passion, a believe, a goal, or a soul mate, that make me wanna live for forever and die for together.
Taking about soul mate, I think no one on earth would understand me cuz I'm usually be a little too quiet; I often don't expressed my feelings verbally like many people. I'm amazed how people can sugar coated every word they say and get away with it. My coworker for instance, he can sugar coated everything he says, even though he doesn't give a sheit behind their back; yet, people think he's charming :o
Anyhow, I still believe that at least, there is one person somewhere on earth who can see all the goodness in me, not by words or cho't luoi da`u moi, but simply by the look on her eyes and a beautiful smile that brighten up my days of...waiting

"Chuyen Tinh Khong Suy Tu" thêm mắm/muối :))

Megaupload: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FC3RSOJW

Just adding some sound effects and a cheesy voice over lol to Kimi's video. I wish I can plan piano better to play along :( ...maybe 10 more years then, lol
I hate those "talks" in a song, but ironically, I'm doing it...cheesy nghe noi da ga` hahaah

good deeds

so I found her twitter account couple days ago. Unlike her bf, she is not a twitter addict lol, only a few old tweet from last month. I wanted to follow her, but I soon realized that it's a bad idea cuz we haven't met for 5 years, OMG 5 FKKING YEARS! I wonder if she still remember me!?! hopefully she still have a good memory of me...but remember what? We barely knew each other for a month; only the deep look in her eyes and the pretty smile :) ...that's all I remember
OMG, I can't believe that I'm still sitting here writing about some stupid moment of 5 years ago. This is so fuking lame! half of my heart is gone; not exactly gone but remain frozen, until someone special come into my life and warm it up. Either way, I don't want to sound like a stalker, but I secretly wish that she's happy. Love is complicated sometimes; sometimes loving someone is just making someone happy, regardless of who they are with; that's including sucking up all the stupid problems on myself. Like the other day, my neighbor blackmailed me money for a minor accident between him and my dad when they were backing up their cars and hit each other. I agreed to pay for it secretly so my dad won't get mad, as he having heart problem already. Or the other day when I was driving to my friend house to install the car alarm for him, I got a ticket and he hasn't pay for it nor the alarm's cost. Or when I'm paying for my cellphone bills, including my brother's gf's line so she can max out the minutes -I hope she's not cheating on him or using him :/

Keeping all the problems to myself, I think someday I'll exploded with anger and frustration. I'll probably hop on a train and runaway. But until then, I have to deal with it for now. Oh, and whenever I feel unlucky or feel like I've done something good, I buy a lottery ...who knows maybe I'll win (well lets hope) :)

"Life is a single skip for joy"

(please turn off my profile music before playing)

Sometimes I like to watch nameless (non Blockbuster) kind of movies, cuz sometimes it has interesting ideas; the kind of ideas that don't usually be seen in a mainstream media. Like, a movies I just watched the other night, there was a quote that made me think ... "Life is single skip for joy" :) I guess everyone has different kind of joy, and I guess it's hard to find someone has the same taste of joy :/
Every-since I read a stupid eBook called 101 Romantic Ideas couple years ago, haha one of the ideas keep stuck in my mind because I think it's very romantic. I've been always wanted to go to the beach with a beautiful girl, bring an iPod, split the 3.5mm headphone into 2 pairs, one pair for me, one pair for her, and listen to love music together. I think it's romantic cuz we can both hear the same songs under and silent sky and relax; like a magical sound that connects our souls together... but so far I haven't met someone with the same taste. One girl told me she hates those "gay Ricky Martins' kinda music", the other girl told me it's too depressing, another one told me it's boring, another one told me she love it but I didn't have any feelings for her and it was meaningless :( ...why is it so damn hard to find souldmate?? perhaps because there's none :/

Pussy

No, I'm not talking about actual pussy haha; I just referring myself as a pussy :( *sigh*
I sold my car today. First, I thought my price was rock bottom low already, until they made a counter offer for $200 less and I took it. Then I felt weak cuz I wasn't firm enough. It's not much about the money, but I just hate myself for not being strong to withstand my decision as I told my mom and myself how much I would willing to sell it for. As my supervisor(pharmacist) used to tell me "Min, you need to be firm" cuz I usually let emotion interfere my decision; for example, I tell people that their medication will be ready in 15 minutes, people usually say they have to do that or to do this "can you do it in 5 minutes?" and I usually answer "Sure no problem" and rush my ass off to get it done :(

"Sell high, buy low" that is how people alway wanted. That's how the business world operate. And I'm no match for the busy world out there; I'm always hiding in my comfort zone or behind the counter :(

(Sorry T if you're reading this hahaha. I'm not dragging about it or anything, just some thoughts I want to get off my mind ya know ^_^ I think the price is worth buying/selling drive careful and good luck in school)

my inconsistent

I once was told that weakness can be turning into invincible strength. I think it's only apply to those who already have mental strength and consistent...but my weakness is lack of consistent :( school half done, hobbies half done, career half done, piano songs half done, love half done (actually didn't even started lol) ...and that's the thing. I wonder how is it like to welcome someone into my life and keep flame of love consistent for the years to come. what if I can't keep up with it and give up bail out :( I guess i'm just thinking too much . I don't know what have gotten into my mind; maybe just a stage of minds where the puzzle of life is breaking down part by part and reconnect them one by one to make a meaning out of it

Respond to "That October"

So I went to see the new Shrek movies today. It was pretty good; though, there was some moment I felt like they (the film makers) were trying too hard to impress the audiences by adding too many extra scenes, but overall it was entertaining to watch. Not to spoil the movies, but I think the main message of the movies is very meaningful. We --as mankind- usually don't appreciate the the present; some will always longing at unrealistic dream of the future; some will always looking at the unerasable past and regret; yet the moment of living is right now, at this very moment, with that very special people that we're having :) ...so I thought about "That October"
.
.
. (I was thinking of writing a longer respond, but I'm having a bad migraine lol ...later Km :)