It is ashamed to admit that I'm a weak person. SInce this is a cheesy blog, i'm just focusing on the cheesy topic of emotion. It has been 20 days since the day of the outbreak. The after affect is still resounding, but it's quickly fading away. Honestly, I developed some sort of anxiety every since, but it is getting better. This is the second major heart broken experience since J-lo experience 8 years ago. OMG! but the main thing is i'm learning from my mistake and improving in the years to come ;)
Pro:
- It is an early rejection, meaning i'm not too drown into it yet
- The recovery time is much shorter than last time
- See things and understand it more fully this time
- Know myself better and know what I want
- Shaved my head and it feels great :D
- Intuition is always right, sometimes it just has not happen yet
Con:
- Bad timing because of too many tasks, career, family
- Invested too much in my head
- Not man enough to face my truth desire
- Need to be more assertive
- Not socially intelligent
- Did not seize the moment
- Early gift is a wasted of time and money
- Too logical, too deep
Wohoo! I let it out of my system. What a relieve!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Poor girl
I am writing on my own experience, or my life as you will. It's about someone I like. She is young and beautiful, as a flower. And this flower is about to be stepped on by others, an older man to be exact :/
Seeing it under my nose, an married 40 years old man, flirting with 22 years old girl. Why older man? because they are older and full of experience. What experience you may ask... attracting naive young girls. The process are simple: attraction (smile, jokes), rapport (telling stories, share interest), seduction (using emotional words, sexual flirtation), comfort (false promises, private places)
It makes me sad, when seeing someones to fall for such obvious trap. And the future of an broken family is about to erupt. Perhaps I'm not in the 40s so I don't know. Perhaps after married for a while, people lost interest and hungry for cheating and affairs. Perhaps I will be there at that position one day :( ....only the victims are, those innocent children who involved ...involuntarily :/
LIFE
Seeing it under my nose, an married 40 years old man, flirting with 22 years old girl. Why older man? because they are older and full of experience. What experience you may ask... attracting naive young girls. The process are simple: attraction (smile, jokes), rapport (telling stories, share interest), seduction (using emotional words, sexual flirtation), comfort (false promises, private places)
It makes me sad, when seeing someones to fall for such obvious trap. And the future of an broken family is about to erupt. Perhaps I'm not in the 40s so I don't know. Perhaps after married for a while, people lost interest and hungry for cheating and affairs. Perhaps I will be there at that position one day :( ....only the victims are, those innocent children who involved ...involuntarily :/
LIFE
Friday, February 1, 2013
unpurity?
Does love usually go together with jealousy? when you seeing someone you like being happy with someone else, your heart start beating faster, thrusting anger to your head, then following by sadness... jealousy, is that love? does love guarantee ownership? when we love someone, do we have to own their body and soul? why seeing someone happy make us sad if we are not the one providing the happiness? is it not love then? what is it? what the fuck is love? is love measurable? does love last over time? is love logical? or is it just a by-product of infatuation? does love come and go? is jealousy a bad thing? who define "bad"? ...shit i hate emotion, better to be a monk :/
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Fade within time...
Time is the best bleaching ingredient of the mind. How long does it take, is depend on each person. I guest faithful person take longer time, and unfaithful person take shorter. I guess I belong to the faithful kind, or stubborness :)
I wonder how long will she wait for me; or is she even waiting for me lol. I can't really tell. I should named this blog "Phone anxiety part 2" because if I ever make the phone call, every question would have been answered.
I wonder how long will she wait for me; or is she even waiting for me lol. I can't really tell. I should named this blog "Phone anxiety part 2" because if I ever make the phone call, every question would have been answered.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Phone anxiety
Fuck! fuck! fuck!
I have this very bad habit, but not knowing how to fix it or go around it. I'm talking about anxiety when making phone calls. When it is a business call, it's fine. But when I am about to dial a personal call, I ended up sending a text D: ... damn it! It happened so many times. Maybe this is a good opportunity to explore deeper in my memory and get rip off this anxiety once and for all.
Yup, it started when I was 19. OMG, it had been 8 years already!!! I first like this girl in college, but I was terribly shy. I couldn't even look in her face straight. I started texting her. In my defend, I wasn't speaking English very well at that time. I felt embarrassed by my accent; it sounded very ignorant. Especially, when texting, I have more time to think about what I want to express. In a sense, it delaying time so I have more time to think. Maybe because, I don't have a good social skills and afraid of uncomfortable silence. Wow, it does work!! I have never given much thoughts about it. Now that I'm thinking more about it, it start making sense now. It's all in my head. For any habit, there are reasons behind it, and we just have to dig deep enough and expose truth. It's like a rash; we have scratch it at the right location and apply anti-itching cream hahaha
Action steps: ( I can't change my past, nor promise for future outcomes. I can only change my perception and the way I think)
1) MY ACCENT IS SEXY. cuz many actors have to learn to do fake accent; i'm all natural hahaha
2) TALKING IS JUST TALKING SH!T. it doesn't need a topic for a good conversation. Conversation flow like water in the river. The less restriction, the smoother it flow so no holding back.
3) I have learned advance conversation skills that most people are not even aware of :)
Wohoo!
I have this very bad habit, but not knowing how to fix it or go around it. I'm talking about anxiety when making phone calls. When it is a business call, it's fine. But when I am about to dial a personal call, I ended up sending a text D: ... damn it! It happened so many times. Maybe this is a good opportunity to explore deeper in my memory and get rip off this anxiety once and for all.
Yup, it started when I was 19. OMG, it had been 8 years already!!! I first like this girl in college, but I was terribly shy. I couldn't even look in her face straight. I started texting her. In my defend, I wasn't speaking English very well at that time. I felt embarrassed by my accent; it sounded very ignorant. Especially, when texting, I have more time to think about what I want to express. In a sense, it delaying time so I have more time to think. Maybe because, I don't have a good social skills and afraid of uncomfortable silence. Wow, it does work!! I have never given much thoughts about it. Now that I'm thinking more about it, it start making sense now. It's all in my head. For any habit, there are reasons behind it, and we just have to dig deep enough and expose truth. It's like a rash; we have scratch it at the right location and apply anti-itching cream hahaha
Action steps: ( I can't change my past, nor promise for future outcomes. I can only change my perception and the way I think)
1) MY ACCENT IS SEXY. cuz many actors have to learn to do fake accent; i'm all natural hahaha
2) TALKING IS JUST TALKING SH!T. it doesn't need a topic for a good conversation. Conversation flow like water in the river. The less restriction, the smoother it flow so no holding back.
3) I have learned advance conversation skills that most people are not even aware of :)
Wohoo!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Negative energy
Perhaps I spend too much time inside my head; planning, analyzing, judging, and never taking any action. Perhaps my thoughts dictate what outcomes I am having today. Perhaps I'm just thinking too much. Of course, it is about to get cheesy :)
Unconditional is a big word. It's mean "nothing". How can there be something in life that is for nothing. Almost impossible. And as usual, there is always something for anything... I'm taking about a friend of mine. She is a bit older than me, but we can be considered the same age. Ever time we hang out, she would like me to pay for everything; it makes her very happy. There were sometimes, she insist paying, but again, it makes her very happy when I insist paying instead. To make the long story short, this is the last time I hang out with her. Period.
When someones is trying to extract something from you, that person become a negative energy of your life. Regardless of whatever it is. And the only way to avoid negative energy is to stay away from that energy's black-hole. I certainly not ditching a friend because of money issue, but because of how greediness her personality is. Whenever we have a conversation about money, her eyes lighten up like a flashlight. It scares me sometimes. Maybe there was/is something in her life that made her desperate for financial secure. Or perhaps, many trillions other reasons that make up her personality today.
It's a jungle of people out there, and it is hard to find someones with an unconditional heart. Maybe it is impossible. but I still believing because i'm a cheesy believer :)
Unconditional is a big word. It's mean "nothing". How can there be something in life that is for nothing. Almost impossible. And as usual, there is always something for anything... I'm taking about a friend of mine. She is a bit older than me, but we can be considered the same age. Ever time we hang out, she would like me to pay for everything; it makes her very happy. There were sometimes, she insist paying, but again, it makes her very happy when I insist paying instead. To make the long story short, this is the last time I hang out with her. Period.
When someones is trying to extract something from you, that person become a negative energy of your life. Regardless of whatever it is. And the only way to avoid negative energy is to stay away from that energy's black-hole. I certainly not ditching a friend because of money issue, but because of how greediness her personality is. Whenever we have a conversation about money, her eyes lighten up like a flashlight. It scares me sometimes. Maybe there was/is something in her life that made her desperate for financial secure. Or perhaps, many trillions other reasons that make up her personality today.
It's a jungle of people out there, and it is hard to find someones with an unconditional heart. Maybe it is impossible. but I still believing because i'm a cheesy believer :)
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Such a Murphy's law
Have you, ever heard, of something called Murphy's law before? It goes like this "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong" lol. Its sucks but it's true. Most outcomes are opposite of what I imaging, or longing, waiting for. It's cheesy time!
So I like this girl, 5 years younger than me, but single, mom lol. She's very cute in my opinion; don't know why her last relationship didn't work. Maybe there is some hidden obstacles but I don't see. But either way, her energy is lovely, sweet, fun, smiley cute :)
I texted her, asked her out, and waiting for the rely. Seven o'clock in the morning, my phone went "ding ding ding" I was excited. Excited because if it's a yes, then wohooo... but if it's a no, then I can move on. But unfortunately, it was neither yes or no. It's wasn't her text. Ten o'clock, more "ding ding ding" ...wasn't her either. Lunch time, "ding ding ding" ....not her either. Up until now, I realized Murphy's law is true. When I expect a yes, I got a no; when I expect no, hoping for yes, but still no; when I expecting yes or no so I can get over with, then it's just ....silence ....nada
.:sigh:.
So I like this girl, 5 years younger than me, but single, mom lol. She's very cute in my opinion; don't know why her last relationship didn't work. Maybe there is some hidden obstacles but I don't see. But either way, her energy is lovely, sweet, fun, smiley cute :)
I texted her, asked her out, and waiting for the rely. Seven o'clock in the morning, my phone went "ding ding ding" I was excited. Excited because if it's a yes, then wohooo... but if it's a no, then I can move on. But unfortunately, it was neither yes or no. It's wasn't her text. Ten o'clock, more "ding ding ding" ...wasn't her either. Lunch time, "ding ding ding" ....not her either. Up until now, I realized Murphy's law is true. When I expect a yes, I got a no; when I expect no, hoping for yes, but still no; when I expecting yes or no so I can get over with, then it's just ....silence ....nada
.:sigh:.
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