Emotion

Emotion is a strange thing. It hits you when you least expected. It's like playing with flame and sooner or later, you may get burn, unintentionally. Here I am, at the same bench that we used to sit on at Huntington Beach, writing blog with my phone. It's funny how our mind usually play trick on us, giving false hopes that we wish somehow miracle will happen, even that chance is less than zero. Unlike in movies where 2 ppl accidently bump into each other at the place they used to go, realty is a brutal disappointment. It's all started when my friend broke up with her boy friend. She was all sad and everything, so I offered a shoulder to cry on, literally. Thought that by being a good friend, somehow she will see that I like her and want to be with her. Contradictory how my mouth always say that I don't want a relationship cuz I am thinking of moving, well that's a fucking lie cuz I have been saying that for over a year. Like some people usually say "Idleness is the vacation of fools" and I've been a fool for so long :-( Regardless, now my friend, she's dating someone and I feel this deeply sadness that I'm not sure what it is; Is it love or jealousy? If it's love, then why when I asking myself what do I love her for? I can't identify any reason. Is there a noticeable reason for love? Or is there no reason for love? Or perhaps there's no love, only infatuation attraction of sexes. Or perhaps love only exist in motion pictures and love novel. Or maybe I am just jealous for not being on her dating consideration list. For whatever reason, I'll give her a Valentine gift. I hope it won't be an awkward moment :/

Empty breaths

Today, after selling a Plan B pill to a guy at work, I started to realize that he was buying it for a female friend of mine. For those who doesn't know what a Plan B pill is, it's an emergency contraceptive pill that minimize the chance of getting pregnant after having an unprotected sex. Thought it's very effective (98%), there're some risks of breast cancer and abnormal fertilization.... But anyway, this blog is not about the pill, but about moment that I realized my friend was sleeping with another guy. I felt breathless, like there was not enough oxygen rush through my lung. Each breath that I took was so empty. My mind went blank; I keep driving and driving on the freeway, careless of where am I going. Until my eyes caught the gas meter, and my stingy mind started wandering about gas's price, so I made a u turn and went home :P

Anyway, it makes me sad when I think about my friend sleeping with another guy, any guy for that matters. I'm not sure why I felt that way. Maybe because I like her. Maybe because I'm the jealousy kind of guy; feeling helpless when seeing someone I like is seeking comfort and pleasure from other guy. Maybe I'm not "cool" enough to be with her. Or maybe there's an invisible line that separate us, between friendship and romance, and I'm the one who tempting to cross that line. Or maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe...10000s of other maybes....maybe, we're just friend :/

the Plans

These are either-or's plans. I wish I can make up my mind :/
Plan A: Back to school for pharmacy
Pros:
- More stable life after 35
- More respectful
- Fit personality
- More likely to find a future wife
- More predictable

Cons:
- Study hardcore next 6 years
- Won't make positive income till 35
- less joy and more stress
- jack-in-the box
- quiet life
-

Doable level: Hard

Plan B: Getting a full time job
Pros:
- Possible saving $10k/year
- possible small business investment
- Supporting current family
- less stress
- no rapid change

Cons:
- Hard to find job after 35
- less respectful
- possibly be bald and single
- no exciting future
-

Doable level: Medium

Plan C: Moving to LA acting
Pros:
- More color of life
- More social life
- More on the road
- More ridiculously fun

Cons:
- Unpredictable
- possibly be broke
- no money, no honey
- unknown name until 35-65
- no experience
- risk of terror/earthquake
- always hunting for jobs

Doable level: Very hard

pure love

Tonight thanksgiving is a total awkward moment. I felt more isolated more than ever. Maybe it was the same way as it was before; maybe I felt this way is because I care more, or maybe the distance between me and my relatives grow further as we haven't get together for several years. Either way, there are miles gap between me and my cousins, those were born and grow up here. It seems like we have nothing in common, nothing at all, from hobbies to interests...nothing. Only me and my brother share the conversation with each other. Then my nieces and nephew came up. Gods, I miss the old day when we use to live together, running and playing with each other. Now they all become teenagers with nowadays trend and style. My oldest niece is in college now. She may finish school before I do, oh crap! She is the most beautiful girl I ever met. I know I know; she's my niece; there's not suppose to be feelings between us bla bla lol. But feelings are just feelings, at that very moment, and I would be lying if I deny it. Anyway, it was a wonderful feelings; a feeling of happiness that so hard to describe. From the way she smile, the blinking of her eyes, her hair,...everything of her is so beautiful. It was a weird feeling, and I think it's love. Not a romantic love, but the kind of love that I would not hesitate to scarify myself to save her (if I see a bullet coming her way). It's a feeling that I rarely encounter. Then there was a random guy came up and calling my niece "babe". I wanted to sock him on the face so bad because I hate those guys who hitting on girls and calling babe. But of course, she is a growing up now and I can't do nothing much to protect her anymore. Only wish all the best will happen to her, amen!

Minh-provising (vid)

Just a video of me improvising on the piano :)

"Every ending is a new beginning"

...I don't recall where did I heard that wisdom, but I believe that it's true. Ending something is an opening for something else. I'm talking about my friendship here. I have a best friend that I usually hang out with. I'm not going to sit here and drag about things I like or don't like about him. I just find that, many people that I hang out with, or surrounded with, are unproductive people. Unproductive in a sense that they don't want to work hard and expect great things come to them; including money, goods, relationship, career, social life....laziness. Life is an equal game. If you put great effort on something, you will get great result in return. If you're too lazy then don't sit there and whining about not making progress because progress doesn't grow on tree. I don't know, I just feel angry right now because I'm not making any progress in life. Maybe it's because of me, or maybe because of many negative people that I'm associating with. Either way, farewell my friend, and hope that you'll grow up!

5 most essential apps for Android

While it's hard to claim something is more essential than the others because everyone has different taste and point of view; For example, someone may say milk is essential to our daily life, while I find it's hard to accept because I don't like drinking milk and I'm doing fine without it ...though I have weak arms, couple of bone fractures, and diagnosed with calcium deficiency D: ...but anyway, there are 5 Android Apps that I think very essential, or at least, very essential to me as I should say, and I can't live happily without them. I think they should be included as standard default applications.
1) Timeriffic - an app to set your droid behave differently in different period of time (ring, vibrate, airplan mode)
2) Missed call - a custom notification for missed call, text, voice mail, etc.
3) Astro Pro - file explorer, task manager, zipper.
4) iGo 8 - gps navigation software, without internet or data plan
5) SMS Wishes - sms text messaging scheduler

So why are they essential? I'll discuss that in a bit, but first let me tell ya my first impression bout Android. I used to be a big fan of Windows Mobile phones, but now I know why Win Mobile is falling behind the competitions; it's not fingers friendly. For anything on Windows Mobile phone, you will need a stylus, a pen, or a toothpick, or something pointy. Thanks to SPB Mobile Shell, which made it a bit easier on the finger, but still, most applications on Win Mobile were not designed for fingers use. On the other hand, Android (or even iPhone) doesn't require pointy fingers, in fact, it doesn't work if you use a pen or stylus on the touch screen; just stick your thumbs on it, or better yet, stick the whole tongue on it and it will work better.
Ok, back to the topic :D

1) Timeriffic

Ok I'm not sure about you, but cellphone reception is spooky. It tilts the VGA monitor screen if you put cellphone close to the monitor; it generates weird noises if you place it close to a speaker; it alternates the compass pole if you place the compass between 2 cellphones and make a call. While no one can prove that cellphone wave is unhealthy or not, I certainly don't like to keep it bouncing back a forth in my room while I'm sleeping. Timeriffic does a terrific job of managing automatic airplane mode (save battery), ringer, phone profile, and more. Just set your desire time for whichever action you want your phone to perform as a routine and it will do it automatically. It work best compare to other apps, doesn't matter if your phone is rooted or not, and best of all ...it's FREE

2) Missed call
Missed call should be a standard features on an Android. It lets you customize the notification of missed call, incoming sms, incoming call, voice mail. Customize how often it should repeat notification until you notice; it even let you control the LED blinking light and its color WOW! I thought LED color is a hardware thing, but turn out its color can be changed ...interesting!


3) Astro Pro

I was surprised that Android doesn't have a built-in file explorer, which is really silly thing for a smartphone. Maybe my Android (1.6) version is old or something. Maybe it will be included in future release. But for now, Astro remain the best appp for file explorer compare to other apps. It's more stable, quicker, and recognize SD card better than others. It has more features than just file explorer, but I haven't fully explore it yet.



4) iGo 8 Navigation for Android

The Google Maps is a great app. It has a broad database of virtually anything you need to find on the road. But for someone who doesn't have a data plan like me, Google Maps is useless. Even if I do have a data plan, it becomes useless when I go up the mountain or in the desert where there's no reception. iGo is best known for GPS Navigation, even better than other apps in the same class, such as TomTom, Garmin, CoPilot. iGo8 comes in 3 different versions: Windows Mobile, iPhone, and Android. The Android version however, seem to have less features than other versions, but they all share the same map files, which divided into separate states for the US.

5) SMS Wishes

This is my personal favorite apps. It's a text messaging scheduler for the future. You can setup a "Good morning sunshine!" text to your friend for tomorrow morning, while you're still snoring in bed; or a reminder, or a birthday greeting, or anything you like and it will text it for you. It's very simple and should be included as an option for sms texting.