Multiple crush

Been working with her only couples of times (3 days to be exact) but I don't know why I feel really nervous every time I see her; my heart start pounding; my face turning red; my voice humbling; my fingers shaking; and most of all, my eyes start looking away from her ...ay ya yay...chicken like me will never get a girl :/ I'm not sure what I like about her; she's not hot or supermodle or anything, kinda chubby, big butt big thigh ^^ cute smile feminine voice sweet personality awww...the kind of genuinely sweet, not the kind of b!tchy pretending to be sweet; the kind of sweet that I want to hold tight on the beach and relax all night. The kind of sweet that made me hump my pillow the night after I met her ^^ but sadly I won't see her again anytime soon, maybe months, maybe years, or maybe never. Then, all those feelings gone away the next day when I met the C2 girl. OMG, I've been waiting for her every single month but I couldn't get a chance to talk to her this time :( I've noticed that things will never turn out the ways I expected, should've learned to expect the unexpected :/
I'm kinda glad that i'm still single; still be able to crush on many ppl as I want to without feeling guilty^^

Anyway, thank you for reading my blog. Here is a piano piece I've learned recently; a soundtrack from a French movies; it's not perfect yet but much better than last time I recorded :P ,the original is beautifully played http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z2ljWwIaHs

Comptine d'un autre été : L'après midi

I've learned this song from youtube ^^ ...can't play it perfectly yet but it's listenable

Purpose of lifeee?

"Life of a biologist is all about eat, sleep, and reproduce"--my biology teacher used to say haha

I have been ditching that question since...forever...because I don't really know the answer. I think that's a bad habbit of mine, keep avoiding the problem instead of solving the problem :s .Yet, I need a goal for my future, a purpose of living and a target to aim myself to the right direction. Right now, it's hard for me to decide cuz it's not just my life to put into consideration; there is my parents as well. If I decide to have a normal life, living with my parents to pay off my debt--the debt that I owe them since the day I was born--then it will be very boring. Eventhough they never ask anything from me, I feel terrible because I haven't done anything to make them proud. Too much conflicts going on in my mind right now. I want to live a peaceful time, but at the same time, I don't want to be a nobody. I want to go to a big city where I can find more opportunities to strike. I want to have a more exciting and fullfill environment of living. But thinking about my dad's health make me weak :(. He's on the downhill of health, probably 2 to 3 more years to live. They are all I have right now; without them i'll be very lonely...
Idk, i'm just going sleep now. Maybe my biology teacher was right; life is all about eat + sleep + reproduce hahaha so I guess the only thing missing in my life is "reproduce" ^^