Grow up

What is time? Why can't we stop it? Why can't rewind time? Why can't I go back to the time when I was a little kid, playing on the field with my brother, and cousins. Running with the kite, chasing grasshopper, throwing firecrackers...go back to the time of simple life, no high tech device, no cellphone, no laptop, no cars, no HDTV, no bills...
But of course, time doesn't stop, and will never be. I'm now drowning in the ocean of loneliness. Feel like I need someone to talk to, but then I have nothing to tell, just need someone to hold hand and walk along the ocean, the ocean of loneliness. And yet, I'm stressing out right now. Life, love, and career.

As my dad developed heart failure recently, I feel stuck. Stuck in the depressing state, even though I try to be optimistic as much as I can, try to make my mom laugh. But I know once my dad's heart disease strikes again, my mom won't be laughing any more. She will cry, cry until she ran out of tears and probably gone away with my dad. Then I'll be here, in my room of an empty house, by myself with the sound silence and breathless. I guess that's how life is. I can't be a kid any more. I need to grow up. I need to create my own life, my own motivation and purpose of life, a reason to live for.
Làm gì thì làm, bây giờ đi ngủ trước cái hả

Letter to my grandchildren

" Dear grandchildren,
As of today May 28th of 2009, we haven't invented a time machine yet. Ours current technology is still not intelligent enough to create a time hole to communicate back and forth in time. So if you (my grand kids) receive this message, don't be hesitate to send me the invention of time machine. Or at least send me the lottery number for tomorrow so I can win the lottery tomorrow lol"

lol, I think people would call me crazy if they read this, but I think time machine will never exist, or at least in my life-time because if it does, I would go back in time to enhance my life, or I'll leave a will for my grandkids to do it lol. Or maybe, I don't have grandchildren, or maybe the world is ending soon (2012?), or maybe I will die young :(, or maybe I will always be single forever :(... But there is must be some actions to initiate the concept.

As for pursuing my dream, it's a shame to say that I like acting but I don't know where to initiate it. My brother laughed at me when I told him I want to move to LA and pursue a career in acting. My mom laughed at me when I told her I like acting. My grandma & auntie would be very disappointed in me if I ever told them I like acting. They always want me to be "bac si, ky su, nha si" as it's a typical traditional Viet goals, and I'm very sick of it. But I'm afraid to loose my fear, the fear I always have when I'm in a big social group. The fear of leaving my home and the comfort of my own family blanket. The fear that I wouldn't be able to survive in street LA by myself with no friend, no connection, no money. Fear that I'm going to be a nameless actor like thousands of others actors and actresses. Fear that I have nothing to offer, no experience. Fear that I can't support my family, especially my parents as they are getting older every day and I can't provide a stable financial support. Fuck this current situation! Fucking hate it! Fucking hate myself keep procrastinating and day dreaming. Fuck life! fuck Jlo for calling me a nerd. Fucking hate her! Fucking miss her! Geez I wish I can hold her right now, hold her tight, stare at her eyes and feel her lip awww...life, love, education, what a mess! fuck me!

Terminator Salvation

So I've just watched the new Terminator Salvation movies. It was great! I have been a big fan of Terminator for years. The first Terminator came out 25 years ago, before I was born lol. Somewhat the idea of machines taking control over human is so interesting. However, dispiriting the fact that Terminator Salvation did a fantastic job on visual effects, the acting wasn't much entertaining. I miss the old Terminator-Arnold Schwarzenegger, who became California governor. Lol, I couldn't believe that a Hollywood actor who was on steroid most of the time can become a state governor. I like his acting, it's always ironiclly rediculusly funny like "Talk to the hand" and "I'll be back" hahaha so classic! And while browsing around on YouTube, watching Arnold's legacy, somehow a video of a girl came up lol. Now, I don't know who the hell is this girl below, but I find her very attractive, sexy, funny, and a little blunt (blunt is word I learned from a girl name Nancy)
http://www.youtube.com/v/Ijk-JqPB3Y4

WTF, what the hell is wrong with women? Women always like big purple eyes, they look so scary to me like black eye. I guess women put make-up on just to show off with other women, not for men. Oh well, but something about watching this girl putting on make-up is so sexy. I feel like I'm a magic mirror in from of her lol

My first blog

I don't know how long I will keep up with this blogging thing, it feels so gay lol but wtf who cares? This is my own get-away-kingdom of my spotless mind :). I don't know. I guess it feels more private and independent this way, better than sending a long message and force someone to read lol like I usually do to Mi` Ly :)

I bought a new tiny laptop that comes with a webcam, hopefully I can use it to record my own singing video (haha so gay) but I haven't recieve it yet. Fucking retarded online store which didn't give me a tracking for the shipment. They say they gonna send me a tracking number 24h before the laptop come to my house, wtf? WOW, It feels so good when I'm cursing cuz I never curse anyone....fuck, what the fuck, fuck fuck fucking fucking fuck hahaha

Lol, my blogs will be more of boring, depressing, nasty, dirty, sinful thoughts than nice things (except for singing) but that's the whole point of blogging right? Anyway, I know I'm gonna be drunk tomorrow cuz I'm having a company meeting in a bar lol. I'm sooo ready to be wasted! Good nite!