....that's not even a proper word, but in MM's self define dictionary, it means the process of letting someone into my life and taking away the virginess, also the moment I laying the first women in my life lol. And yet, as of today September 16 of 2010, that moment has not yet to come...shyt!!
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. People at my age usually have a family, wife, kids, mortgage, loans, STDs,...or anything that make life more colorful and complicated I guess. But for me, life is very simple at the moment. I guess I should blame on myself for not being more socialize I guess. I guess if I have more friends, and friends of my friends, and the whole "networking" kind of life, would that make life more interesting?
I'm having a thought, a bad thought :(
Well, I'm planning to move away, into the big city with all the busy-ness of life. It will be tough because not only I have to support myself, but I also have to support my parents as well. I'm planning of getting 2 jobs if I have to. Along with that, I have to learn my way through the acting crafts. That's a suicidal mission cuz my chance of become a well-known actor is less than winning the lottery...but I will take that chance soon.
But before I go, I want to ask my friend if she can devirginize me first hahaa. I don't know wtf is wrong, but I just feel like a 16 years old boy all the time. Maybe I'm gay or something, shyt, I hope not. But I really want to have an intimate relationship now. I know it sounds really cheesy and corny, but I want to make love, not just raw sex; and I don't feel comfortable with strangers that I meet at the clubs, or bars, or online dating... I only feel comfortable around people I known for a long time; someone I trusted and attracted to. Currently, there is only 1 friend of mine that I can imagine I will make love to, but she already has a bf :( . Making love is more than just sex; it's sex with passion, care, and connection of 2 people through body and soul. Shyt! maybe my concept of making luv is too high; maybe I should hire a hooker and get it over with :/
...anyway, I think I will take the chance and ask her before I leave, despite the fact it will make me a total pig. I wish someone can relate to how I feel right now :(
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