Sunday, July 4, 2010

waiting for...

my mom occasionally-constantly-randomly asking me "When are you going to be done with school?" and I answer "I am waiting" ...."waiting for what?" she said, and I just walk away in silence :(
I don't know. I don't know what the hell am I waiting for. Every since my dad had the heart failure thing, and the doctor told us that his heart failure will eventually getting worse in a few years, my career plan was temporary paused. I guess I'm waiting for his heart disease to go away--along with him. I guess I'm trying to make enough money to help my mom with all the bills and expenses, to put less pressure on her shoulder; to waiting for my brother graduating from nursing school so he can help us financially; and the most importance of all, I'm waiting for a meaning of my life--a passion, a believe, a goal, or a soul mate, that make me wanna live for forever and die for together.
Taking about soul mate, I think no one on earth would understand me cuz I'm usually be a little too quiet; I often don't expressed my feelings verbally like many people. I'm amazed how people can sugar coated every word they say and get away with it. My coworker for instance, he can sugar coated everything he says, even though he doesn't give a sheit behind their back; yet, people think he's charming :o
Anyhow, I still believe that at least, there is one person somewhere on earth who can see all the goodness in me, not by words or cho't luoi da`u moi, but simply by the look on her eyes and a beautiful smile that brighten up my days of...waiting

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