looking ahead

No matter what I do, I usually have a picture or vision of whatever i'm doing, and what the result is going to be...but somehow, I can't see anything when it comes to my future. Everything just goes blank in my mind, like walking in the dark with no flash light. I don't know what will come tomorrow, and I don't want to know. The biggest challenge I'm facing right now is my family health. As of today, my dad is not feeling well again. He felt weak, swelling, and worry about his heart failure is coming back like it happened last year, which rushed him to the ER room, and cost a fortune since none of us have health insurance :(
It's a dominoes effect. My dad's problem makes my mom worry, and also make me worry, and my brother worries even though he seems to be cold, but I know deep down inside my brother is very emotional person even though he never show it or say it. I'm glad hat my brother has been accepted to LB university. But I'm a little worry that nursing is not a good major that fit his personality. But that is what he "thinks" gonna work for him so I respect that. Hopefully he can go through with school soon and help me out taking care of my parents, both physical and financial, because i'm a little tired as of everything is put on my shoulder. I thinking of getting a full time job right now to make my family expense a little more comfortable. I'm currently working semi-full time and it seems to be a little tight financially. But if I start working full time, I will have to throw away my school, which I'm not really what I want/can do beside pharmacy anyway...
Beside of throwing away school, I will also throw away the chance of meeting my soul mate at school ^_^ because I always have a feeling that I will meet my gf at school, as I met Jlo...aw good old Jlo, I always love Jlo, no matter where she is, who she is with, I wish she's always happy, healthy, and pretty. "Good nite Jen!"